A simple thought that has been ringing in my head for a while now, to give a brief history of how it came to be…
A colleague of mine was a bit nervous because she was going to visit her fiance’s family for the weekend, me being the big brother she never had jumped on to say, “Nah I don’t think you have anything to be worried about, the only time there’s potential for ill-treatment from your in-laws is when you are totally dependent on the guy for everything, you have done pretty well for yourself so that will play in your favour”
What I was really saying is that; people treat you differently when they know that you need them or rather you are their only hope for a better living, when a woman has her own, things like a good job, a car and a house, she basically runs her own show, her choice of a man will not be based on his ability to provide for her.
What I’ve seen is that, most men use money as a controlling tool given that the woman is not working, that way if you don’t provide, she will be left in the cold, for most men this gives them power, makes them feel needed and in most cases leads to them abusing the woman either physically or emotionally knowing that she wont go nowhere as she NEEDS you. This explains why in Pedi we have sayings like “lebitla la mosadi ke bogadi” and it also explains why some woman stay in abusive relationships or a relationship were the guy openly cheats.
I really enjoy the thought of someone being with me because they truly like me and not because they depend on me financially, that is flawed love, and it’s everywhere.
For most insecure guys, this type of set up serves as a refuge, as they know she will never leave, her lack of drive and ambition serves as a guarantee that she will forever be dependent on you.
This can be both ways, a woman who sticks with a guy who has little ambition that translates into inability to attract other females, that way bae will be hers forever….
don’t be caught up in such shenanigans, pave a future for yourself by having your own goals and ambition, its a dog eat dog world out in this jungle, stop wishing for a rich husband and self-make your own riches or you might end up in a shitty abusive relationship with no options of leaving as you had failed to secure an earning potential yourself.
Article by Kagiso Maloma